


I Will Come Back To You

by ThereWillBeCubes



Category: Free!
Genre: Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2014-10-26
Packaged: 2018-02-22 16:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2514683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThereWillBeCubes/pseuds/ThereWillBeCubes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been 8 months since Rei stormed out of Nagisa's apartment, never looking back. He expects the carefree blond to be over him within the week; he could not be more wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Come Back To You

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few Reigisa fics I've written, but for some reason I work on the most upsetting one of them :S I love this pairing but I can't stop thinking of unpleasant aus and prompts.
> 
> Warnings for strongly implied drug and alcohol abuse. ((I have an addict parent so I know how fucked up this shit can be first hand))

I raised a hand to the door. My curled first paused only millimetres from the wood; painted a depressing grey like every other door in the hall. A shaky breath rattled out of my chest, and, steeling myself, I knocked.

Hearing no response, I knocked again, this time with greater urgency. Nothing.

Frowning, I tried the handle, finding it unlocked. I gingerly pushed it open, peering into the darkened room beyond. My breath caught in my throat and I took a nervous step over the threshold.

My immediate reaction was to plug my nose, as the scent of stale sweat and sweet-rot wafted over me. I want to turn around. I want to leave. I don't want to have to do this.

_Rin-san [19:40] dude weve tried getting through to him he wont respond to any of us_

_Makoto-senpai [19:41] please rei, youre the only one that can do this, we know how much he misses you_

I swallow thickly and switch on the light.

Filth, everywhere. Empty, discarded bottles of beer, vodka, rum, any kind of alcohol, litter the floor haphazardly. Old takeaway boxes stacked into one another, paper plates with food still encrusted to them, and those eponymous red party cups I see at every party I'm dragged to.

Even more sickeningly, I can see aluminium foil, empty soda bottles, something I unfortunately recognise as copper scourers, scattered on the desk. Old needles, and my stomach churns.

_Rin-san [19:44] I dont know exactly what shit he pulled but right now you need to suck it up and go help him_

_Rin-san [19:44] screw him never going to classes hes killing himself_

I pick my way across the floor, towards the bed at the back of the room. It's rumpled and covered in clothes, but when I reach it, and carefully lean over, I can see he is not there.

The bathroom door is ajar.

I can hear my own breathing in this terrible place, it's driving me mad. Does he hear it too? His own rattling breaths coming back to him every second, reminding him how keenly alone he is? I burn with guilt as I imagine him waking here every day, before slipping out in a daze to find something, anything, to send him back to unreality.

And I left him there. No, here, in this hell.

_Makoto-senpai [19:45] im so scared but he never speaks to any of us anymore last time I saw him he didnt even move to look at me_

I put a hand on the door and push it open.

The cold light of the other room cuts a wedge into the darkness, lighting grimy tile, upon which is curled a thin figure clad in only a shirt and underpants. His blond hair is messily cast over his face, his breathing uneven, and from here I can see the wasting of his form, his once shapely figure now close to skeletal. My breath hitches, and I can feel my own body trembling as I kneel beside him. His eyes are closed, and with an awful jolt I see bruises on the inside of his pale thighs.

“Nagisa?” I whisper, stroking his hair back from his face. He doesn't respond, remaining still. I take off my jacket, lifting him off the floor and wrapping it around him. He's so impossibly light, and is lost in the swaths of fabric.

“Nagisa,” I repeat, and I can't keep my voice from cracking, “please, say something, please.”

My heart surges as his eyelids flicker and open, but it stops as he looks at me.

Those rose eyes, ones I had always admired, stared at me, glassy and dull, devoid of any expression or that familiar dancing light. He blinked slowly, before struggling to sit up, his thin arms shaking with the effort.

I seize him and pull him against me, and a hand reaches up and touches my face. I suppress a sob as a dull flicker moves at the back of that stare.

“Rei-chan...” he garbles, not leaving my gaze, “you're here again.”

“I'm so sorry Nagisa,” I reply, and I cannot stop tears running down my face. They slide onto his hand, and he regards it with mild interest.

“You... never cry in my other dreams,” he says slowly, blinking, “do you hate me here, too?”

I don't know what to say.

_Rin-san [19:48] when we tried to get him to stop drinking and that other hardcore shit all he said was “rei visits when i dream” so fucking forgive him already_

He suddenly begins to cry in earnest, fists curling against my chest, shaking his head. They glisten in the light, on his hollowed cheeks.

“Why?” he sobs, banging his fists now, “why here too? I have nowhere else to go!”

“Don't go! You always go! Why don't you want to stay here with me, Rei-chan?!”

He smells of sweat and drink and smoke and I burn as I press him against me, arms wrapping around him easily, holding tight.

“I won't leave you again,” I whisper into his ear, “I promise.”

 

-

 

I clean.

I wonder if a part of me thinks of this as an act of repentance, an act of cleansing and paying for what I had done in my accursed stubbornness. But the rest of me just wants to remove the mementos of pain.

I collect every last bottle, putting them all into recycling bags, and then sweep every piece of trash I can find into the garbage. I put all of Nagisa's clothes into another bag; there's a laundry room down the hall that I pile them into, two washing loads of them, to try and rid them of that lonely scent.

When I am done, the clutter is gone, and the room looks empty without it.

I look to the bed.

Nagisa is tucked in, fast asleep, still wrapped in my jacket. His eyelids flicker, and he occasionally murmurs unintelligible phrases, save for one.

“Rei-chan.”

I open my phone. It's 4 in the morning, and I have no new messages. I wonder if they actually thought I would go through with it.

I don't blame them if they don't.

I sit down by the bed, staring. My eyes feel heavy as I remove my glasses and put them beside the bed. Blearily, I reach out a hand, just to touch him for a moment, anything, anything to soothe my aching heart.

I don't mean to slip into dreamless sleep.

 

-

 

“Rei-chan...”

My eyes snap open, and as I blink sleep out of them and scrabble for my glasses, I can see a blurred halo of morning sunshine around Nagisa's head.

I push them on my face, and my eyes meet his.

His expression is hard, confused.

“It... it's really you,”he says, looking down at himself, seeing my jacket wrapped around him. His face is still.

“Y-yes, Nagisa-kun, it's me,” I reply weakly. He says nothing as his eyes sweep the room. There's a greater spark in them now, he's not so much under the cloud of influence now. His brows beetle downwards, and his fingers curl. When he speaks, I am shocked to hear each word ringing with anger.

“Why are you here?” he hisses, eyes wide.

I open my mouth, but no words come out.

Sorry, I'm sorry-

“Why now? Why now, Rei?” he continues, and he's shaking, and I can see the anger building in him, “why come back?”

“N-Nagisa, I-”

“WHY? AFTER ALL THIS TIME, WHY DID YOU COME BACK?”

I splutter.

I'm a coward, I want to say, I'm such a prideful, spiteful, coward and I'm sorry.

“GET OUT!” he screams, throwing off the jacket, revealing his broken body. There's track marks everywhere, bones carving up against his skin. He looks from me to himself, turning his hands over, before bursting into tears.

“D-don't, don't look at me,” he sobs, grabbing the blankets and pulling them around himself, “don't look at me, Rei-chan, please. I-I'm _hideous.”_

I had read about the idea of a broken heart before. The concept hadn't made much sense, but like so many things, I was ignorant about it, no matter how much of the theory I consumed.

I believed this was it. This terrible, physically painful fire in my chest, working it's way from both my stomach and my brain, and I could barely breathe as with every beat it felt as if it was going to tear, tear right through my chest. A mixture of guilt and sadness and pain and this rush of love and the knowledge that my love was dying right in front of me. I could barely breathe.

“No,” I cry, “that's not true, Nagisa. That's not true.”

“I'm ugly, Rei-chan, and I'm all wrong inside,” Nagisa continues, each word breaking and tearing at me again and again, “I'm not beautiful, I was not enough for you, I never could be, Rei-chan.”

“Y-you're wrong-”

“But in my dreams,” he whispers, eyes glassing over, “I was. I could be enough for you...”

“No!”I cry, taking his shoulders, “You're enough for me here, Nagisa, you are, I am so sorry, so sorry I left, I was wrong, I was childish.”

He's still, gazing at me with those pink orbs.

“I love you, Nagisa.”

He freezes, and my insides turn to ice as his eyes narrow, pain overriding his face.

“LIAR!”

I don't expect him to launch at me, trying to rake his nails down my face, beating me with his fists. I topple backwards with a cry, and he jumps onto my chest, still scratching away. His face is contorted in fury, mouth howling bitter words as he goes.

“YOU'VE NEVER HAD TO FEEL IT, REI-CHAN. WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE SO UGLY! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT FEELS!”

His words pierce me like ice shards, but I cannot help him in this state. Not alone.

I push him off, grabbing my phone with my free hand. He screams as he hits the floor, and I quickly bolt to the door.

“I KNEW YOU WOULD LEAVE!” he bellows, and I slam the door and hold the handle. It begins twisting in my grip as I frantically bring up Rin-san's number. He answers on the third ring.

“Whassit?”

“Good morning Rin-san,” I say, still gripping the knob.

“Rei? What're you calling me for this early?”

“Well I took your's and Makoto-senpai's advice and I-”

“DON'T COME BACK! DON'T COME BACK!”

“Holy shit, is that Nagisa?”

“Yes-” and my breath catches. Rin lets out a slow breath.

“He sounds pissed.”

“He- he is pissed. He has every right to be,” I reply, “but he needs help.”

“No shit. What do you think we've been trying to do for these last few months, while you've been doing god knows what?”

“REI-CHAN. REI-CHAAAAAN.”

“I-”

“REI-CHAAAAAAN.”

“Scratch that, we'll talk about that shit later. I'll get Makoto and Haru up and-”

“REI-CHAA-”

Thump.

The handle is no longer moving. I lower the phone, and hear nothing from the other side of the door. With a sudden surge of foreboding, I try to open it, meeting a tiny bit of resistance. I look at the floor and my mouth opens in horror.

“Nagisa!”

He is crumpled on the floor, and his chest isn't moving, eyes wide open. My fingers fly to his throat, and I can feel a tiny, weak pulse. Rin's voice is shouting in the background, and I slam the phone to my ear.

“ - BETTER TELL ME WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW OR I SWEAR TO-”

“Nagisa. Isn't breathing. I'm calling an ambulance, now.”

I hang up, fingers trembling as I dial the emergency number. My fingers remain pressed to his neck, and I desperately try to remember everything I knew about CPR.

“-is your emergency?”

 

“My- my love, he's collapsed, he's dying.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr at therewillbecubes.tumblr.com


End file.
